Episode 274: Setting Your Own Course

8 Tips to Not Get Ripped off as an Actor Masterclass So today, I'm going to be going back to the fabulous Melody Beattie in her wonderful book, The Language of Letting Go, and I'm going to be talking about setting your own course. And it seems like the world is so turbulent. I know it sounds like we're always saying that, but it does feel like the world is so turbulent. And I think when it is very important for us to keep the focus on ourselves and how we do that is by setting our own course. I'm going to read a little bit. “We are powerless over other people's expectations of us. We cannot control what others want, what they expect, or what they want us to do and be. We can control how we respond to other people's expectations.” Now, I did a podcast on when your buttons get pushed and if this is already starting to vibrate with you, resonate with you, I beg of you, listen to that podcast if you haven't already. So again, we are powerless over others, other people's expectations of us. We cannot control what others want, what they expect or what they want us to do and be. But we can control how we respond to other people's expectations. One thing for me to keep in mind about expectations is that expectations are premeditated resentments. But what happens when it's coming at you? One of my favorite tips and tools, I should say, about what other people think of me as none of my business is the following, which is the serenity prayer. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” So let's just talk about that for one second. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change other people, places, things, or situations. I can't, and when I say people, that includes their expectations. So grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change people, places, things, or situations. Courage to change the things I can. I can change myself, my attitudes, and my actions. And that can be my attitude to their expectation. And wisdom, my favorite word. Wisdom. Wisdom to know the difference. That crucial difference between what I cannot control, which is other people, places, things, situations, or people's expectations, and what I can control, which is myself, my attitudes, my actions, and including my attitudes towards other people's expectations of me. Melody Beattie goes on to say, “During the course of any day, people may make demands on our time, talents, energy, money, and emotions.” But here's the thing, we do not have to say yes to every request. As I always say, no is a complete sentence. And another thing about when no comes at me, no is survivable. We do not have to be feel guilty if we say no, and we do not have to allow the barrage of demands to control the course of our life, it's our life. And we have the right to live it the way we want to. We can set our own course. We do not have to spend our life reacting to others and the course they would prefer if we took in our life. Again, I beg of you, listen to When Your Buttons Get Pushed, that podcast episode. We can set boundaries. We can firm up limits on how far we shall go with others. We can, and this is so true, we can trust and listen to ourselves. It's so important because you learn how to be emotionally intelligent. And how do you do that by learning how to be emotionally self sufficient so that, when you make a decision, you're making the right decision for who for you, we can trust and listen to ourselves, we can set goals and direction for our life and we can place value on ourselves. If you want self-esteem, do self-esteemable acts. Buy some time. Think about what you want. Consider how responding to another's needs will affect the course of your life. “We live our own life by not letting other people, their expectations and their demands control the course of our life.” Remember, no is a complete sentence. People can have their demands and their expectations, and we can allow them to have their feelings. They can absolutely have that, but we can own our power by choosing the path that is right for us. And this is something, I help actors with this all the time, because sometimes family members aren't that supportive about our dream to become a working actor. I'm always here if you need help.