Episode 282: Perfectionism and You!

Private Coaching Now I wouldn't say that I would sometimes call myself Peter Pamela Perfectionism Rose, but sometimes I've called myself Peter Pamela Perfectionism Rose. The biggest thing about perfectionism that I want to talk about today is that perfectionism leads to procrastination, leads to paralysis.  The other thing that I think is so important about the lesson of perfectionism is to make your ears grow bigger, cunning, baffling, and powerful. I look at all the ways, in fact even this too, recording today's podcast, I was looking for the right time to do it.  But do you know what the right time to do it was? Right now. Right now was the right time to do it.  See, my wanting to, and this is just me but maybe you can relate, my waiting to just feel like it is perfectionism in a very cunning, baffling, and powerful way, trying to get me to not do what I most need to do to move my career forward, which is because for the past, I think over two years now, I have put out a podcast every week, even when my house flooded, even when my house flooded and that If you can start to override that perfectionism and let it go for just a moment so that you do that action now, bingo, we got some serious success about to happen. Now, I'm also going to lean into the fabulous Melody Beattie. The Language of Letting Go She talks about how perfectionism is an individual process that necessitates making mistakes. So recovering from perfectionism necessitates making mistakes, struggling through problems and facing tough issues.  And it's especially when I have to do things I most don't want to do that my perfectionism kicks up.  Again, waiting for the right time, waiting till I feel like it, waiting until somebody else tells me I should do it. Again, cunning, baffling, and powerful, how I get in there, how perfectionism gets in there or my perfectionism gets in there to prevent me from doing the things that I most need to do in order to achieve what I most want to do.  “Expecting ourselves to be perfect slows down the process to our getting to the level of success that we want to get to in whatever area of our life. It puts us in a guilty or anxious state. Expecting others to be perfect is equally destructive. It makes others feel ashamed and may interfere with their growth. Keep the focus on yourself.” It was one of the craziest things I've learned in core work. Is that once I finally got the focus on me and off of everybody else, I was like, how the heck did I even have time to focus on other people and try and control them and try and manipulate them? How did I even have the time?  I'm so damn busy with me. I'm a freaking full time job. That's when the good stuff begins, when you start to really focus on you, that's when the good stuff starts.  “People are human and vulnerable. We can accept and cherish that idea. Expecting others to be perfect puts us in a codependent state of moral superiority.”  And sometimes I find I do that with myself. I put myself in “Peter, you're just gonna have to do it better than everybody else.”  What the fuck is that? Oh, that's so much arrogance. That's so much moral superiority that I think I know what perfect is. IIt's really all about process and life being a process.  “Expecting ourselves to be perfect makes us feel rigid and inferior.” And also as an actor, I find it makes us rigid. We have to do the scene the way we planned it. No, you don't. In fact, mistakes are the best things that can happen. Mess ups are the best things that can happen.  I was talking with my producing partner who told me about these mistakes that happened on the set and the actor was like no, I have to redo it. And the director, he was like, ah, no, you don't. Because that was comedic genius. Remember, there is that in imperfection, some of the greatest creativity can happen as an actor.  “We do not need to go to the other extreme, tolerating anything that people throw our way. We can still expect appropriate, reasonable, and responsible behavior from ourselves and from others. But most of us can afford to loosen up a bit.”  Oh my gosh. I used to be so freaking tightly wound until I really gave myself permission to be me. And I am so much more fun now. I am so much more fun in my fifties than I ever was in my twenties and my thirties. “And we can stop expecting others to be perfect. We may discover they're doing much better than we thought.” And that's, that's also where that arrogance comes in. Where my thinking, what you should, what my thinking, I know what you should do for your life. Hell, I barely know what the hell I should be doing for my life. Why am I putting that on others? Another cunning, baffling, stinky way that perfectionism comes into our lives.  “When we stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, we'll discover that incredible beauty in ourselves, and also the beauty in others.” Perfectionism. leads to procrastination, leads to paralysis.  My assignment for you is to use your mind to govern your brain and notice the cunning, baffling, and powerful ways perfectionism comes into your acting career, and also into your life. And if I can help you with your journey to let go of your perfectionism, please let me know.