Episode 289: The Useless Emotion: Jealousy

Free Month of my Weekly Coaching Group So today I'm gonna talk about that green emotion called jealousy. Oh, we've all had it, we've all experienced it, and we've all been the subject of it. But with actors, it can get so tricky.  I wanted to do a podcast, really putting this emotion into perspective. “A flower never thinks of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms.”  Buddha said, “Do not envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.” “Winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners.” I think my own personal journey with jealousy. If I am having jealousy over someone else, it's because I am not keeping the focus on myself. Keep the focus on yourself. Keep the focus on yourself.  Whatever I put before taking care of myself, I am going to lose.  Also, whatever you put before taking care of yourself, you are going to lose.  Winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners.  And I think it's so important to understand we have one  journey in this life. Just one. And it's the one you're on.  Let's make it the damn best one we possibly can.  Amy Cuddy says, “Focus less on the impression you're making on others and more on the impression you're making on yourself.” The greatest thing about getting older is really starting to understand that the person who I most want to be impressing, the person that I most want to be challenging, the person who I most want to show that I can do it, is me.  That also helps so much with anxiety. It also helps so much with me wanting to be on my team. Because you know what? My team is fucking great.  So many years I abandoned myself looking to be on somebody else's team.  Wanting to be with the quote unquote popular kids in the second grade.  What a waste of time.  I want to be with my people. Meaning me. Meaning me, myself, and I. Someone else's success does not rob you of anything. That's the Truth.  In fact, I have found that when I support people in their success, they're more than happy to help me and support me in achieving my own success.  The other thing is that when  I focus on another person or another person's success and why they have it and I don't have it, the only thing I'm doing is weakening me. And I'm sick and tired of weakening me. I want to be working for myself, not against myself.  And jealousy is an emotion where we work against ourselves.  When you indulge in the emotion of jealousy, you are letting yourself off the hook for taking responsibility for what you need to do to take care of yourself and advance your goals, your acting career. Jealousy is really a completely useless emotion and it is a catabolic energy.  Meaning it is a self defeating energy.  And when you're in catabolic energy, you have a very low chance of success.  I want a high chance for success. I want to live in anabolic energy.  When you find yourself being jealous, you need to reframe it. Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.  When you find yourself being jealous, you need to reframe it and pivot the energy from working against you to working for you, from being catabolic to being anabolic, which is healing, growing energy with a high chance for success. Ask yourself these questions: by this person having success, what are they really taking from me? The answer is nothing. They are just living their life.  And instead of focusing and putting energy towards what this person has, ask yourself, “where do I need to put energy and effort so I can create the life and career that I wanna create for my life?” Two very important questions.  The first one being, by this person having the success, what are they taking from me?  Nothing.  And instead of focusing and putting energy towards what this person has, where do I need to put my energy and effort so that I can create the life and career that I want to create? Again, keep the focus on yourself. Keep the focus on yourself.  How can I take care of myself in this moment? Create a plan. Organize yourself. Take an action to put yourself closer to where you want to be in your life. Do a vision board. Do a gratitude list. Get yourself out of the catabolic energy of jealousy and get yourself into the anabolic energy of taking responsibility for your life.  Jealousy is all about putting energy in the wrong place. That's all it is.  Energy that is being put in the wrong place. So how about putting all that energy on taking care of you and your life?