Episode #6 with Jerome Meyers

Jerome Myers is a 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗽𝗼𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗔𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗮 𝗱𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝘀 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗲𝘅𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗶𝘅. Learn what it means to take the metaphorical red pill and enter upon a journey of self realization and compassion as a black entrepreneur. EPISODE 06[EPISODE][00:00:21] BA: This is the Inaugural Podcast of Colloquium. I’m Bryan Adams and I have Jerome Myers with me today. And I’ll be honest, I’m a little nervous. I’ve never been on this side of the table. I’ve always been the one answering the questions for the most part. So bear with me, but I think this will be a good one. Jerome, what is it like to be a black man in America today?[00:00:49] JM: You know, I don't know that my experience is all that different than yours. I think I probably went to different schools than you did. I’m an engineer by training instead of an attorney, but still a professional. I’ve got an advanced degree and I was able to go through the myriad of what they tell you, right? Go to school. Do well. Get a good job. Get married. Have kids. Work for 40 years and quit. And I didn't have any challenges there. I got to do all of those things pretty easily, but in 2010 I went through what I would consider a depression. I didn't actually go talk to anybody to get that diagnosis, but I was sad. I was really sad and this stuff that I’ve been chasing didn't feel fulfilling. And I don't know that that's any different than most people that are in that age group or maybe a little bit older. [00:01:48] BA: How old were you when this went down?[00:01:51] JM: 27. So I just broke six figures the year before. And so it's just like, “Oh, everything's happening,” and that's where it's supposed to be magical, right? You make six figures and all your problems go away because you're rich. And not anywhere close to being the truth, but where I came from that was kind of the idea, is like you make six figures, you can do anything. And so I had to go through and answer those questions and start asking some really tough questions. I started asking what I believe. Why I believed it. Who was I actually? Where did it come from? And I mean I could go on and on. I questioned everything including religion and why I was doing the practices and traditions that I was doing. And for anything that I couldn't ground and why I believed it and I realized that I was just being – I had been programmed as a child and I was just continuing to live that out. I made an adjustment. And I stopped doing things. Bryan, this will be super – I’ll call it simple, but like people say bless you. They said it for years and centuries or whatever, but why? I got that basic with my questions. And what I realized was you're not going to die. So saying bless you because your heart stopped because you sneezed it's the only kind of scientific explanation that I’ve ever heard. It just didn't make sense. And so when you go to things that fundamental and foundational and then you start rebuilding your life and you start to understand, “Hey, this is different.” I think you begin to see the world in a different way. And so I went through that transformation, and it's a really long answer to a pretty short question, but my view of the world has very little to do with me as a black man. I don't have a great instance of racism or me being held back by the man or anything else. In fact, it's probably shameful for me to say, but it's a statement of fact. People outside of my race have done more to advance my position whether it's financial or relationships or any other position that you can think of and privilege than people within my own community. And I don't think – And I can say this with certainty. It's not because they didn't have the opportunity to advance it. They just didn't.And so I frame it that way and I have a totally different conversation than most people. Do I understand what some people are upset about? Absolutely. Am I upset about those things? I think there're been some great atrocities that have happened. But is that my experience? I can't say that it is. I’ve been in plenty of interactions with police officers and the stuff that's been sensationalized, that hasn't been my experience. The worst experience that I’ve had, and this is probably worth going since you've been in the prosecutor's side. So I broke into my house one day. My lady and I were building a new home, which I’m in today, and my buddy came in from Charlotte and it wasn't unlocked, and so it was pre-closed. We went and checked the windows in the back and one of the windows was open so we crawled in through the window. And I just wanted to show them the house because we were so close and we were excited. And so somebody called the police. And so we're leaving. We're in this 300ZX. For those who don't know, it's a really small sports car. And so we get pulled over. It's a felony traffic stop. And it's my first time being a felony traffic stop. And for your listeners who've never been in one, I hope they never are in one. But we're on the side of the Interstate when the police officer catches us and he comes across a bullhorn. Turn the car off and drop the keys out the window. And like I wasn't going that fast. Like he's being outrageous, right? And then more and more cars keep coming up as I’m looking in the side view mirror and there's probably six or eight police officers and separate cruisers there at that point and their shot guns drawn. They're hiding in the crevice of the doors like you see in movies and they say, “Take your left arm out the window open the door from the outside and step out of the car.” And they tell him to do the same thing. He was letting me drive. He just finished doing some go fast work on his engine. And we get out and they tell us not to look back. Again, we're on the side of the highway, Interstate. And so they're like, “Take a step left.” And for me left was closer and closer to traffic. And so now I’m terrified. I’m like, “Are they going to walk me into traffic? Because this is crazy.” And then they walk us back and then eventually tell us get on our knees with our hands behind her head, and they cuff us and then they try to figure out like what's going on. And it was like did I think it was a little outrageous? I did, but they were just told that we were breaking and entering. And so I understand the dichotomy of these guys are criminals. And for your listeners, I don't know if we're going to do video or not, but I fit the description of a thug in a lot of ways. I’ve got dreads. I started growing my hair in 2010. I have visible tattoos. I played linebacker in college football. So I’m a pretty big fella. And for some people, that's scary, especially if you don't know me and you had no interaction. And so I think this is kind of the stereotype that because if you don't have interaction, you can only believe what you've been exposed to, right? And part of my goal, part of my mission is to break stereotypes. And so when I was in corporate, when I decided that I was going to stop getting haircuts and I didn't have to wait until I retired in order to grow my hair long, because I wanted to grow my hair long. I thought there was something to it. And on the journey I found out there was a whole lot more to it than I understood when I started the journey. People told me that I was ruining my career. I was labeled as a high potential employee. I was getting new opportunities without applying for them. I’ve been packed for somebody's leadership. I was working with a coach that the company was kind of providing for me that was working with other senior executives. I was getting leadership development training that wasn't tied to my position, but reserved for supervisors and managers and directors.And so they were making those investments in me directly and I was doing something that was counter culture. And it’s, “Hey, Jerome. Well, nobody that has the position that you want looks like that.” And I never actually said this directly. And now that I’m so far removed and I realize I’m never going back, I’m probably a little more candid than I would be if I thought I was going to go get a job. But the thing that I realized was nobody looks like me anyway, Bryan. My skin is brown. It's very chocolatey. My nose is broad and my lips are full. It doesn't matter if I have a short haircut or not. It doesn't matter if I’m clean shaven or not. They still don't look like me when I walk in a room. And so if appearance is the thing, then I can't fix that anyway. So what difference does this piece really make? And why are we so focused on appearance instead of the creed and character of the person and the quality of their work or the decisions that they could make? And that's where I sit today, but I’m free from what I consider the matrix. [00:10:06] BA: Yeah. So I don't think we're going to have video. And so for people's benefit, what does your shirt say?[00:10:13] JM: I took the red pill. [00:10:15] BA: And you just referenced The Matrix, and you're talking about corporate culture, conformity, almost an alternate reality. What is that metaphor mean to you?[00:10:29] JM: Yeah. I think there's a couple of different things. So we've created a model of life. We call it the centered model for living. I think a lot of people are chasing work-life balance and they never actually achieve it, because when you have balance, there is no movement. And I think everybody who's a high achiever is looking to move. And so what we look for is a centered life where you can show up as your best self. Not as some makeshift, half put together thing, but somebody who is aggressively pursuing that higher state of performance and impact. And so there're six different levels to it. It's self-image. We start there because your relationship with yourself is most important. Then we move to relationships with others and how you interact with them because we feel like if you've got a great relationship with yourself you'll attract others to you who are at a high level from a performance standpoint. Then we move over to work, because after you fix your relationships, your work, getting alignment with your values and the work or the impact that you're making in the world becomes extremely important and you're able to do that because you've grown your influence through your relationships. From there we move to health. I think those first three things are what cause the most stress in your life. The relationship with yourself, your relationship with others and your work. And so we want to get those taken care of so that when you move to health. You don't have a reason to exhibit those self-destructive behaviors. And whatever you're addicted to, that thing, we want to be able to move the catalyst or the triggers from that so that you can have great health. From there we go to prosperity, prosperity always comes after health, because if you have prosperity before health the health will take it away, right? This ease is going to be very expensive to take care of. And then the final thing is significance. That is the only true success in the way that I see the world today. It's the ability to impact others, make the world better. And so the red pill references that scene where Morpheus presents Neo with two options. You can either take the red pill and understand truth and see the world for what it really is or you can take the blue pill and be fat, dumb and happy. And that blissfulness that a lot of people live in, but it's empty and shallow. And so when I say I took the red pill, I wanted truth. I wanted to live out that truth. And in order to live out that truth, we had to make some pretty aggressive adjustments to the frame because I had to reprogram. And so that six-step model is what kind of the outlay of that or the result of that experience.[00:13:10] BA: You say we. Who is we? It's more than just you.[00:13:14] JM: It's always more than just me whether it's just me or not, right? I’m Nigerian, right? My great-great-great-grandfather came across the Atlantic in the belly of a slave show, right? He was cargo on the ship. And so my goal today is to be their wildest dream, right? Unbelievable. Can't believe that we were here and now he's doing this. And so I have the burden of those folks and all the sacrifices that they made and their ability to be survivors in a place where a lot of people just didn't make it through to somebody who's thriving and making a huge impact on the world. So they're always with me, right? But then it's just people like James Bryan and Duron Chandler and folks I’ve met along the way who've joined me on this journey of continuous self-improvement and consuming and finding content that's going to help us go to that next level. I wasn't fortunate enough to sit around the dinner table and talk entrepreneurship. So when I wanted to go do that, I had to start over because I didn't have somebody to go ask. I didn't have a network to go and say, “Hey, I’m starting this thing. I really appreciate your support by you doing this or you calling this person.” I had no idea that that was even an option. I didn't know that was a thing.And so just the people who I’m doing life with and figuring out along the way, as we all are, is the we. And then the people who are cheering from the sidelines who are like I’m not sure that I’m willing to make that sacrifice in order to have that level of freedom. I want to do it for them so that if they ever come along and they decide that they're ready to make that transition, they have the social proof that they can do it. And so it's a community of we. You were we, right? From our first conversation, you've been extremely generous with your knowledge. I mean it’s whatever you need, Jerome. Just let me know. I want to help you. And you've had a couple of interactions before that where you got to assess me and what I’m about, but you've never asked for anything. And I don't even know that I have anything that I can offer you that you couldn't get some other way. But this little symbol here is a West African symbol that is for cooperation and the translation is help me help you, right? And so I think it's extremely important that we get ourselves in position that we can help other people help us, but we're also excited to help other people. And I think like you're a great example of just what I think is only law of the world, which is love. Like you show up and you're willing to help other people whether you think is going to turn around and be impactful for you on the backend, not all of that important. Can you do it all that time? No. But for a small group of people where you can actually have an impact – And I think that's probably the lesson to take away from the people who are listening to this, is do what you can where you are. You don't have to fix the whole world, but you can do something today. [00:16:42] BA: And what's been – As you've gone through this journey, I assume you've gone through all six steps personally, if you're on the other end of this. What's been the most substantive realization that you've made?[00:17:00] JM: I think the first thing I realized was when I stopped doing things for money. I just left the power company and I was working for a consulting firm. And the guy said, “Hey, Jerome. Let's see you charge your admin budget this week. You should have charged a client.” And I said, “Well, I finished the project for the client. It's a transition week. And so I’m on the admin budget for a week until we get the new project over.” He said, “No. You need to charge a client.” It's like, “I’m not charging the client if I don't have any work for that client.” And he said, “Listen, you're never going to charge admin budget again. You're going to charge clients. You need to structure work in a way such that you don't charge your admin budget.” And I say, “Look, I’m not going to steal from our clients.” And it was that day that I decided that I was going to leave that company. It was that day that I decided that it didn't matter that they gave me a ten thousand dollar signing bonus that I was going to have to return, because I didn't stay long enough in order to keep that money. And it was that day I realized that I didn't do things for money anymore. Money wasn't going to be the reason why I was doing what I was doing. There always had to be something else. And so that has hurt me in some ways from a comfort standpoint, because there's a whole lot of things that I could do to make more money than I do today that I choose not to do because I feel like the work that I do is more meaningful and impactful and going to have a greater influence on the way that the world is shaped and formed going forward. But in the same breath, money's like air, Bryan. If you don't have it, it becomes an emergency. And it becomes an emergency right then, right? If you run out of air, you're in trouble. And so for me, finding that balance and not being so militant in going the wrong way, because it's kind of like a pendulum. It was hard. I was in a rough relationship and where I felt like I was just a wallet. And so I resented the fact that I was an earner, right? And that took my gift away to earn at least temporarily because I resented it. And so understanding kind of the laws of the universe and how all these things kind of come together is big. But at the end of the day, I don't live my life for money. Money serves me. Money is a tool is the lesson.[00:19:38] BA: There's a lot to unpack there. I think I asked you three questions and we’re 25 minutes in. But the one thing that I want to dig into a little bit more is this concept of transitioning out of corporate culture into being an entrepreneur. But the focus is not monetary gain. So what is the end game and why did you make that transition? And is that reason different today than if I'd asked you that when you started doing real estate?[00:20:14] JM: The answer to your last question is would it be the same? The answer to that question is yes. More clear today than it was before. I had kind of a North Star, but I didn't really know what it was. Just looking through a telescope instead of being right up on it. Now I’m right up on it. It goes back to the top level of the red pill, which is significance. And so I’m seeking significance. I had what I thought was a lot of money. I had a 6,000-square-foot house. I had a super car. I had those things that I dreamed of as a kid. Like I grew up in a 1,200-square-foot house as a kid, right? So to my first house being 24 and then the next being six, it was unbelievable. I mean I remember my ex's parents saying, “Hey, they live in a mansion.” It's like I can't even fathom coming from a neighborhood where I came from being in that place. And it was always fun to open the door to the house and people asked where my parents were. That was like the most fun part of all of it if I’m totally honest. But significance and being a person who somebody would say, “I don't know if I... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.