Journey of Attachment: Love is Not a Game of Chess

When you don’t feel loveable, you may strategize to get what you aren’t giving yourself, looking for someone else to fill you up. Or you’ll manipulate a situation to compensate for what you lack. You don’t realize you’re playing a game, but you are. Games involve winners and losers; right and wrong; black and white. You think your carefully orchestrated moves give you greater value or respect, but they don’t. They only serve to satisfy your head. In a healthy relationship your partner can’t fulfill what you lack—you have to do that on your own. How often do you fight for the upper hand? Maybe you punish your partner for calling late, ignoring them when they do call. You want to teach him/her a lesson in an attempt to get your power back. Or you personalize it and blame your partner for not caring about you. And how does it feel afterward? Probably not very good. When you strategize, working toward a desired outcome, your head is in control and your heart is nowhere to be found. It stems from a lack of value. Games are exhausting and they have zero to do with love. Instead of always thinking about your next move or trying to win, look inward and connect with your feelings. Ask yourself what’s missing inside that you’re trying to fill through someone else. Replace blame with self-responsibility. Where did you go against yourself to get where you are? Where did you close yourself off emotionally? Games stop when you open up and let go of control.