Nurturing Your Intimate Relationships with Vanessa & Xander Marin

“Sex isn't really worth having without vulnerability.”Sexuality and intimacy can be sensitive topics, especially in long-term relationships. But what if these conversations could be transformed into pathways to deeper connection and more fulfilling, mutually satisfying sex? In this episode, we’re thrilled to welcome our first couple(!) to Hotter Than Ever: Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa, a licensed psychotherapist with 20 years of experience, and her husband, Xander, bring their unique perspectives together to foster honest, vulnerable discussions around sex and intimacy. Together, they’ve written the NYT bestselling book “Sex Talks” and are on a mission to help couples achieve true closeness.Join us for an illuminating conversation on the essential ingredients for a rewarding sex life and on dismantling long-standing misconceptions about intimacy. This episode is a powerful reminder that true intimacy—whether in long relationships or new ones—requires courage, open communication, and a fresh look at what we really need and desire. We discuss:Why open conversations about sex are crucial for fostering intimacy and connection between partners.Breaking down male expectations around intimacy and performance, and how these notions can block true connection and vulnerability.Prioritizing quality over quantity in sex—focusing on enhancing pleasure and satisfaction over frequency.Practical, small-scale actions to boost emotional intimacy, like expressing gratitude, embracing a 30-second hug, or sharing a 6-second kiss.Cultivating your own individual sexuality to reinforce a sense of self and desire, no matter your relationship status.Navigating sexual changes through perimenopause and menopause, with tips on staying connected to your body and sexuality.OUR GUESTS: Vanessa and Xander Marin are the dynamic duo behind the NYT bestseller “Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life”. Vanessa, a certified sex therapist, and her husband Xander, who left a career at Google to join her in this mission, combine their expertise and candid, down-to-earth approach to help couples kick shame out of the bedroom and embrace deeper connection, pleasure, and joy. Together, Vanessa and Xander have been featured in top publications like O, The Oprah Magazine, Harper’s Bazaar, Vogue, and Goop, and Vanessa has contributed to The New York Times, Allure, and Lifehacker.Want more Vanessa & Xander? Tune into their podcast Pillow Talks for practical relationship advice, real-life insights, and plenty of laughs as they share what truly goes on behind closed doors.Follow them on:Instagram: @vanessaandxanderTikTok: @vanessaandxander YouTube: @vanessaandxander Facebook: @vanessaandxander Want more Hotter Than Ever? Subscribe to the Hotter Than Ever Substack to dive deeper. Find episode transcripts at