Brené Brown (Curiosity, vulnerability + other signs of great leaders ) Ep. #103

Brené Brown, 4x New York Times bestselling author, researcher, Oprah's Super Soul Sunday favorite and top-5 TED Talk presenter of all time, joins us today! We'll talk about her new book Dare to Lead. Share tips to become better leaders. Identify what might be holding us back. And hear the vulnerability expert herself share vulnerably about her "big, rowdy Texas" family + life. Join us to live (and lead!) inspired with one of my very favorite authors. Show Notes: Watch Brené Brown's TED talk on vulnerability here. Brené studies courage, vulnerability, shame, empathy + what transformational leaders will need in the future. "I was raised with a very Texas sensibility. I had to be brave and wasn't allowed to be vulnerable. Now, years and 400,000 pieces of data later, I know there is not courage without vulnerability." "You can't write a new ending to a story that you have not owned." You know what is harder than not fitting in at school? Not fitting in at home. True belonging never requires you to change who you are. It requires you to be who you are. We can never experience a sense of belonging that is greater than our sense of self-worth and courage to stand alone because sometimes we have to stand alone. Even at fortune 10 companies, without exception, Brené hears that one of the hardest things about work is feeling like you don't belong. In the absence of belonging, we show up in ways that are outside of our normal values. My kids don't need me to apologize for working. They need to see me be strong and contribute and do something I love and then they need me to be present when I am home. 90% of "balancing it all" is having the right partner, one that shines when you shine. Brené's marriage hack: Instead of thinking, "it should be 50/50" a solid partnership is one where, when you have 20%, they can cough up 80%. Share how much you have + ask how much your partner has. If you can't get to 100% together, you have to have kindness, patience, grace with each other to make it through.  If I feel nauseous when I'm done, I probably did a good job. Vulnerability is courage. To opt out of difficult conversations around gender, race, or class, because you can't do it perfectly or be comfortable is the definition of privilege. I'd rather contribute and be criticized then play it safe.  Show Notes on Brené Brown's new Book: Dare to Lead Get a copy of Brene's new book Dare to Lead and additional resources for it here. We asked all the leaders we interviewed: What is the future of leadership? What scares you the most about not being able to find new leaders? What is missing? From family-owned, to starts-ups to fortune-10 companies we heard: "We need more courage in our leaders." We asked "What do you see as a barrier to courage?" In the book we share 10 barriers to leadership. Examples: (1) unwillingness or inability to have tough conversations (2) blaming instead of accountability. The biggest barrier to courageous leadership is self-protection, the way we armor up. You can't lead from an armored place. If you can't do hard, real and vulnerable you cannot lead in the future. What doesn't need to be vulnerable and human will be done by machines. When we are unsure how we are contributing/don't see meaningfulness in our contribution, we start hustling for our work. We over emphasize our importance... and hustle to make sure people think we are worthy. Tip: Make sure you have conversations and acknowledge where your employees are adding value. Ask where they see themselves adding value. There is nothing worse than the behaviors that show up when people don't know. They stop being learners + start being knowers... put more emphasis on being right than doing something right... on being important v. doing important work. If you see some of these tendencies in yourself, it's a sign you're not clear on your value. The biggest sign of confidence is curiosity; when we know our value, we don't have to know everything. When we aren't confident, we: Prove, please, perfect, poll. How do you pivot from negativity to hope and courage? I give myself permission to complain with perspective. Once I do this, I move into practicing gratitude, because the people who have the most capacity for joy are the most grateful.  BRENE BROWN'S LIVE INSPIRED 7 1. What is the best book you’ve ever read? The Alchemist because I always go back to it. My main takeaway: when you are on the right path, the universe conspires to help you. 2. What is a characteristic or trait that you possessed as a child that you wish you still exhibited today? Carefree. 3. Your house is on fire, all living things and people are out. You have the opportunity to run in and grab one item. What would it be? Photos and the crosses I had made out of the my kids' baby cribs. 4. You are sitting on a bench overlooking a gorgeous beach. You have the opportunity to have a long conversation with anyone living or dead. Who would it be? Maya Angelou. 5. What is the best advice you've ever received? When we know better we do better. 6. What advice would you give your 20-year-old self? You don't have to act so tough, it's okay to be afraid. 7. It’s been said that all great people can have their lives summed up in one sentence. How do you want yours to read? She contributed more than she criticized.  *** If you enjoyed today’s episode: Subscribe, rate & review wherever you get your podcasts. See you here next Thursday! Live Inspired with John every day on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Instagram and get his Monday Motivation email: www.JohnOLearyInspires.com/Monday-Morning