Are You Ready to Create an ADHD Compatible Life Free of Shoulds?

DESCRIPTION: If the rules you are following right now are getting in the way of creating the type of ADHD-compatible life you envision you can change that. And you’ll want to if you want to live a life that’s in alignment with your values and allows you to more easily reach your goals. Here’s how to do that. KEY TAKEAWAYS: * We all have internalized subconscious rules we follow. * Some of these rules are helpful. * However, some rules you learned along the way, which may have been helpful earlier, may no longer serve you. * To work well with your ADHD, you’ll want to be aware of your rules. * And keep those that help you, and drop those that don’t. * You can do this by learning strategies to notice and address your rules/shoulds so they are ones that work for you. RESOURCES: Websites: The Work of Byron Katie Happiness Trap, Russ Harrison Books: Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living by Russ Harrison TRANSCRIPT: 00:02: Do you know what your shoulds are and how they are either helping you or getting in your way? Probably not, at least not all of them. But you need to if you want to create a life that works for you. You’ve tuned into Scattered, Focused, Done –  Reimagining Productivity with ADHD, a podcast for ADHD adults, like you, who want to learn how to adopt the best strategies, tools, and skills, to be able to get your essential work done in a way that works with the way your brain is wired. I’m Marla Cummins. And I’m glad you decided to join me today on this journey to reimagining productivity with ADHD. So, you can get what is important to you done without trying to do it like everyone else. 00:53: If you frequently feel ashamed or disappointed in yourself, it might be because you feel you are not measuring up to unrealistic rules or shoulds that you have internalized. These rules are cognitive distortions because they’re just not based on facts and often are just well inaccurate. But when you engage in this type of thinking, you believe, at least in that moment, that these rules absolutely are true. So, you have to, you must and should follow them. There’s just no flexibility. No gray area. There are times, no doubt, when this black and white thinking is helpful. So, when the carbon monoxide detector alarm goes off, you should leave your home and call 9 1 1. You shouldn’t deliberate about whether it could just be faulty batteries. But the problem with many of your shoulds is that you haven’t decided yet whether they’re helpful or not. You just follow them because, well, you do. 02:02: So where did these rules come from? Sometimes these internal rules, like the instinct for fight or flight when in danger, are baked into your DNA. And you learned somewhere that the alarm from a carbon monoxide detector indicates danger. Many of these rules, though, are ones you’ve internalized from attempting to meet your needs from childhood onward. The first rules or shoulds you adopted were because of the need to have your parents’ approval. So maybe you learned the rule that you should finish all your work before you can play from your parents. But now,