67. Asking the Right Questions to Get the Right Solution

This week’s episode holds some parallels with last week’s show where I stressed the need to find the right effort behind the outcome when offering praise to your child. This time around, I’m looking at the need to ask the right question in order to find the right solution to problem behaviors your children may be exhibiting. Unfortunately, these days we’re finding an increasing number of parents who are looking for non-existent solutions due to their wrong questions, and I’m here to set the record straight today. I begin by reviewing just how critical it is to ask the right question, and acknowledging that crappy behavior always has a root cause. I then discuss the questions, especially the ‘Why?” questions which help us to dig down deep into these root causes, and offer a few examples - which you will probably recognize from your own life - and their solutions, to help you understand the required approach. The value of using “I’ statements and working with your partner to find a solution without blame or resentment is also emphasized. Rest assured, a solution can always be found, so join me as I walk you through the process here today - you and your family will definitely be glad you did.    The Finer Details of This Episode: · Asking the right questions will help you get to the right solution · Crappy behavior is a symptom – there is always a root cause · Some parents are looking for non-existent solutions · Go back and listen to the ‘Psycho Mom’ episode · Part of what happens when we go ‘psycho mom’ is that we don’t show true feelings · We can get to the real solution by finding out how to help you · There’s always a solution when you land on the right problem · With only a very rare exception, toddlers should be going to bed around 7:00, maybe 7:30 – kids are getting to bed too late these days · Kids have a ‘food rhythm’ · Makes meals nutritious and easy · Family dinner becomes important when your kids start going to school, getting peer-oriented and start pulling away from you, not when they’re a toddler · Always question ‘Why?’ · Use ‘I’ statements and avoid blame and resentment when coming up with solutions with your partner   Quotes: “We always want to be working on the root cause.” “Parents are presenting with a problem, and it’s the wrong problem.” “I have no magic wand to control your child’s pee muscles.” “Picking up their toys was not really the issue, yeah?” “No kid has listened the first time…stop wishing for this.” “When you give a mom, I don’t know, 20 minutes to vent, holy shit, can she talk!” “You went psycho because, probably, there is an unequal division of labor.” “You have to lean into each other and the sympathies.” “You’ve got to look at the right problem.” “The pattern of thinking is what’s important.”   Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/  Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler -  https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Psycho mom episode: https://jamieglowacki.libsyn.com/psycho-mom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices