Unmasking Control: A Courageous Journey Out of a Destructive Marriage

Carrie is a brave woman who shares her story of being in a destructive marriage for 26 years and her journey towards healing and finding the strength to leave.   Early Signs Carrie grew up in Canada but moved to California after marrying her American husband. Her husband exhibited controlling behavior from the beginning of their marriage. It's not as great as it sounds Carrie explains complementarianism, a belief system prevalent in the evangelical church during the '70s and '80s. Complementarianism emphasizes the equal yet distinct roles of men and women within a marriage. The husband is considered the leader, while the wife is expected to be a supportive helpmate. Opening her eyes Carrie gradually realized that her marriage had more significant issues than typical marital problems. Her husband's control extended to decision-making, financial matters, and the personal growth of their daughters. As their daughters entered their teenage years and developed their own opinions, tensions escalated. The Complexity of Identifying Abuse: Carrie struggled to pinpoint the abuse in her marriage due to religious justifications and confusion. Her husband's manipulation of biblical authority and twisting of God's word caused further distress. Seeking Help and Facing Challenges: Carrie and her husband sought counseling from their church due to their daughter's severe anorexia. The church's approach blamed the daughter's behavior on her attempt to exert control, exacerbating the situation. Carrie's husband refused to acknowledge his role and his blame -shifting caused division among their children. Coming to Terms with the Destructive Marriage: Carrie discusses the difficulty of realizing the destructive nature of her marriage. The combination of religious teachings, guilt, and her husband's manipulation made it challenging to identify the abuse. Over time, she began to understand the impact on her children and the need to protect them. The Turning Point and Pursuit of Clarity: A conversation with Leslie Vernick helped Carrie gain clarity and recognize the abuse. Leslie's book, "The Emotionally Destructive Marriage," resonated with Carrie's experiences and offered practical strategies. Carrie describes how she gradually took a stand and made the heartbreaking decision to end the marriage. Coping with Devastation and Rediscovering Self-Worth: Carrie shares her emotions after her husband's cruel actions, such as calling the police on false grounds. The experience shattered her belief in her husband's support and led to a reevaluation of her understanding of God's love. She embarked on a journey of self-discovery, learning to prioritize her and her children's well-being. Empowered by Conquer: Carrie joined Leslie's coaching programs, including Walking in Core Strength and Empowered to Change. These programs provided her with valuable tools to communicate, set boundaries, and regain her sense of self-worth. Carrie highlights the importance of learning to ask non-confrontational questions and gaining clarity in difficult situations. A Path to Healing and Moving Forward: Carrie shares her transformation through Conquer, finding value and purpose beyond her destructive marriage. Despite the challenges she faced, she recognized her resilience and embarked on pursuing her dreams. She emphasizes the significance of understanding one's worth and focusing on personal growth. Resources: Visit www.leslievernick.com/start for a free Quick Start guide that provides clarity on whether your marriage is difficult, disappointing, or destructive.