29: The road less travelled, my journey to motherhood: Manjari Thakur Gohil

Shownotes: Pregnancy and motherhood for older women is the proverbial 'elephant in the room' in all societies but more so in cultures, where deep rooted patriarchal socio-cultural practices mean what women are supposed to be a married at a certain become mothers by a certain age. My guest Manjari Thakur Gohil, my guest in the 29th episode is a regular trooper, she gave up a successful career moving to the UK for a fresh start when she found love. I have seen her navigate the journey to motherhood, opening herself to vulnerability, heartache but also hope. We share a unique bond of friendship, she is also the younger sister of a close friend Yasmin. I say the name aloud - lest we forget (and that is a conversation for another day). In this episode we talk about the stigma around pregnancies in older women; fertility treatments and IVF; the trauma of being judged by family, friends and society; coping with mental health, and the need for education and awareness amongst girls and women on reproductive choices...... Her Twitter bio, is poignant but reflects her mantra in life, "On a Journey of a road less travelled. Have lived three lifetimes in one and am not complaining..." If you want to know more listen here👇🏾 Memorable passages from the episode: 👉🏾 So, Sudha I know you since my childhood in Poona and my father was in the airforce. So we moved around a lot. And we finally settled in Poona, and then my education was in Poona and then I moved to Bombay to do my social media studies. After that I continued to work in Bombay in TV. When I joined TV, it was very nascent. So it was not a very deep career. It's not like becoming a surgeon or becoming a nurse. So you didn't have that many role models, either women or men that you wanted to aspire to be. And I felt okay, so where do I go from here? And I thought, I really want to settle down and, find a partner. I had a conversation with my brother and he basically said, don't worry about my mom. So, I started talking to my husband and we got really close and yeah and then marriage the next year and I moved to the UK. So it was not intentional, it just happened. But then when I came to the UK before we got married, I said, okay, this is a place where I can rebuild. I can get a career in another field or maybe in television, again. I really wanted to continue to work and to be part of the working culture. So I thought this is something new. It's another community to be a part of. 👉🏾 Yeah, 15 👉🏾 Yes, I have a strong sense of identity. And I think it's my overall experiences in life that have shaped the identity. A lot of people say they identify themselves with their career, or you know, when you say who are you? They said, "Oh I am a nurse or a doctor ? Or who are you? I'm a mother of four". Those are the responses you get. So when people ask me, who am I? I said I'm Manjari. And this has been my response since I think I was 12 and my dad got a bit miffed with me, he said, why don't you say you're Manjari Thakur, why don't you say that? I said because i'm just, Manjari. So my sense of self was always me, and my brand and over the years, I've refined it to be, when people ask me, who are you? So I say, I'm me. Like, I'm me, I'm Manjari and you know, what do you do? Oh, I work here. You know, do you have family? Yes, I have family. So then, everything else becomes a part of the larger global self of you. But I am me first and then all this is attached, 👉🏾 Manjari is opinionated sometimes weak, sometimes strong, depends on what the circumstances - honest, trustworthy, loyal. These are the three core things. And a strong sense of ethics. So my sense of ethics is so strong that it's sometimes, you know, it makes my life difficult. So it's very hard for me if a colleague is not being treated right. Or if a friend is not being treated right, or if a stranger in the bus is not being treated right. And I think...