140 Doctor Who (The Keeper of Traken)

Welcome to Traken the happiest, most harmonious place in all of N-space. You’ve come at a bit of a bad time. Great Grandpappy Traken, King of Happiness, fell off his chair and died. Daddy Traken was supposed to take over as King but Mummy Traken hadn’t had her wedding night so she murdered Clever Uncle Traken and blamed it on Daddy. Old Auntie Traken, told Mummy to be King but Mummy was Maaaaaaddddddd. Madder than an ostrich on a ski-lift. She started wearing a fetish collar and put a moss-covered, bird poo-encrusted statue called Mouldy on the throne before locking it in a glass box. Daddy Traken was in prison along with Weird Wedding Guest And His Son. But everyone forgot about his daughter, Naughty Princess Traken. She and Weird Wedding Guest And His Son's Son recently ‘experimented’ using special equipment in Daddy’s draw and she wanted more. She bribed, she shot, she jailbroke and then she went on the lam with her new boyfriend to wilfully sabotage civilisation as we know it. Daddy Traken and Weird Wedding Guest watched Mummy Traken vanish to death and they set fire to the mouldy old statue forcing Stupid Uncle Traken (who didn’t know what was going on) to be King of Happiness. Weird Wedding Guest And His Son left. But not before Weird Wedding Guest And His Son’s Son dumped Bad Pixie Princess Traken. She returned home only to find Daddy Traken had decided to get the master of all face-lifts and go on a joyride, leaving her to clean up…well…let’s be honest, HER mess. So it’s all been a bit of a hugger-mugger really. Still, hope you enjoy your stay and make sure you’re gone before the two weeks are up. No seriously, two weeks is all you’ve got here.